Better than the first one. Still sucks.

That’s the distilled version for those who are sick and tired of hearing about “The Twilight Saga” and vampires (other than True Blood, of course) and debates over which side you play for — Team Edward or Team Jacob.

Everything about New Moon, the second film based on Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight book series, screams self-awareness. The first time Edward (Robert Pattinson) appears on the screen, he’s walking across a parking lot and a slow, knowing grin crosses his face. It’s like he can hear the girls screaming at the top of their lungs in the theater. Boys are all that’s needed to make New Moon‘s audience come back for more — and the film delivers in spades.

The story begins a short time after the anticlimactic action in Twilight. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is turning 18 and starting her senior year of high school. She’s plagued by nightmares of growing old and wrinkled because she has surpassed her vampire boyfriend, who was 17 when he stopped aging more than 100 years ago. When Bella almost becomes dessert at her own birthday party, Edward and his pale family of vampires fly into the night to protect her from their bloodlust.

After wallowing in self-pity, accompanied by overwrought emo-ballads as the soundtrack, Bella takes comfort in the company of her childhood friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who is ”like, buff,” as Bella puts it. He also happens to be a werewolf and mortal enemy of vampires. When Bella realizes that Edward appears to her in moments of danger, like a transparent guardian angel, Bella takes more and more risks to achieve that high of seeing him. When one goes awry, suddenly it is she who is racing to save him.

To read the rest of Tim’s review, hop on over to Metro Weekly, where his article is currently running.

Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) and his wizard friends Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) and Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) are back for year six of their Hogwarts education. And despite only vague memories of what transpired in the book, it didn’t take long to remember that this was the one with all the “snogging,” or, in other words, the year of sucking face. A pattern very quickly emerges in Half-Blood Prince: see something sinister, snog, fight off evil forces, snog, go on a dangerous quest, snog. Perhaps it’s because the kids are using too much horned-toad in their potions, but no amount of impending doom dampens their hormones!

When not obsessing over the opposite sex, the gang tries to balance schoolwork and the menace that is Voldemort and his Death-Eaters. The inspiration for the title – the mystery of who was the Half-Blood Prince – is given only the briefest of time on screen. The heavily annotated potions book that Harry carries throughout the film, so central to the novel, is often no more than a passing reference just before it’s needed in the story.

To read the rest of Tim’s review, hop on over to Metro Weekly, where his article is currently running.