My dark heart reflexively gives Tim Burton credit for turning Alice in Wonderland into a rich dystopian tale — one that favors weird over wonder, and changes the imaginary land’s name from Wonderland to Underland. It’s a typical Burton-ian film in a lot of ways. Fans of the wayward-haired director can enjoyably curl up to the familiar fraught palette and dreary sensibility, while welcoming Burton mainstays, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. But allow me to crush any optimism that Burton has conjured some sort of dark magic this time around in what is manifestly an underwhelming Underland. I imagine Lewis Carroll, author of the original Alice in Wonderland (1865), rests comfortably in his grave knowing Burton’s take is at best loosely inspired by his original tale.
How exactly would a crowd react if a regular Joe wandered onto the field of a youth baseball game with a shotgun in tow and a blank stare leading his way? Director Breck Eisner handles this scenario and many other “not right” elements of The Crazies with surprising dexterity and evenness. While not a one-to-one remake of George Romero’s 1973 original, Eisner’s Crazies quietly tears at your sense of domestic security and calm with all the precision and destructiveness of a rusty scalpel. Call it a spontaneous outbreak of talent and inspiration. You wouldn’t expect the director of Sahara and writers of recent lame remakes (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Amityville Horror) to create a warmed-over scare that actually scares. Don’t let the bad rep for horror remakes keep you from checking out The Crazies this weekend.
When word hit the street that Kevin’s Smith’s R-rated buddy cop comedy would be called A Couple of Dicks, it became pretty clear that his new film would be one with balls. Eventually, marketing pragmatism castrated the title to simply Cop Out, yet the film’s vulgar reflexes and Smith charm thankfully remained intact. Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan star as the latest odd cop couple stumbling their way through investigation and drama, much like their “Chinegro” parallel, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker of Rush Hour. Despite their three films wearing thin this favor of mixed-race mash-up, Smith (and writers Robb and Mark Cullen) bring surprising energy and laughs to the formula. Chalk much of it up to Willis taking his Die Hard persona down a comedic path, and Morgan…well, being Morgan — the loud, shameless man-child audiences have come to love in “30 Rock.”
There are so many mysteries on the island that it feels like you’re never going to get any answers. Is there a safe way off? Can the others be trusted? And are dead people really trying to speak to the living? Just when your head starts to spin, you remember that Ewan McGregor is a writer, not a detective, and you’re watching The Ghost Writer, not Shutter Island. Or “Lost.”
There are so many mysteries on the island, it feels like you’re never going to get any answers. Is there a way off the island? Can the others on the island be trusted? And are dead people really speaking to the living? Just when the questions make your head start to spin, you remember that Leonardo DiCaprio wasn’t on a plane that crashed and you’re not watching “Lost,” you’re watching Shutter Island.
Cupid! Hey, Cupid! Come over here and shoot me. Right through my eye, please, because it would be less painful than having to watch Garry Marshall’s latest confectionary concoction. Valentine’s Day is already a manufactured holiday filled with cute rhymes in lacey cards, candied hearts that induce nausea, and flowers, flowers and more flowers. There’s little need for another gag-inducing love-fest unless it’s good. And Marshall’s Valentine’s Day is not.
There’s a sweetness to Alice Sebold’s 2002 mega-bestseller “The Lovely Bones” that belies the story of a young girl’s brutal rape and killing. That same sweetness, so magnificently captured on the page, is missing from Peter Jackson’s film adaptation of Sebold’s book.
